Origins: The Epistemology of DragnMastr13

And in those early years I was met with much derision. My ideas were spat on, and My appearance mocked by the popular majority, or "the head lice" as I preferred to call them. I was a vagabond in their hearts, and in that sparsely-imaginationed town, they were weary of vagabonds.

I had never particularly worried about superficial things like My blameless poverty, erratic dance technique, or acne-prone skin, but the rabid women and their court of white knights made sure that their grievances with Me were internalized–and so it came to pass that I developed a vitamin D deficiency from My aversion to the outside world, but nothing a prescription couldn't handle.

Piece by piece I started assembling a little nest for Myself, which later would become the current incarnation of My "shadow lair"–a working studio/darkroom where I could lose Myself in the limitless depths of My imagination–a space where I could nurture My budding photography obsession. Books too became My escape–dead thinkers who provided much-needed companionship, guidance, and warmth during those formative years. Staying in became something I looked forward to, instead of something I self-pitied over.

But when the day came, it was as clear as the void of light reflected from My raw obsidian collection–it was time to emerge out of the wilderness, and make My personal legend known to the world. I no longer dreaded the head lice people–I saw their opinions of Me for what they were–a minor nuisance, but nothing of consequence.

And thus DragnMastr13 was conceived.

 

A Mother's Day Reminder to All, But More Importantly, to Myself

Happy Mother's Day. And if your mother is locked up, deported, or dead, I have no pity for you, and you shouldn't have any either.

Be grateful for your pain–the universe doesn't owe you anything. Better to channel your pain toward uplifting and galvanizing your spirit, than to dwell in it and decay into something as utterly useless and narcissistic as self-pity.

Coat your heart with molten metal and learn to walk through the fire–when you open your eyes and look back, you'll see the blackened ashes of your inner demons, smoldering in erratic piles on the floor–charred into oblivion.

Amor fati, motherfuckers.

Wrong Number, Right Victim

Last night I received a wrong-numbered phone call.

Not allowing this opportunity go to waste, perhaps against My better judgment, I engaged in an impromptu phone sex seduction.

Five hours later, as daybreak eased itself into the early morning, I realized that I had been the victim of orgasm vampirism.

After the 11th ejaculation, I turned My nightstand light on, looked down, and witnessed how raw and inflamed My turtleneck flesh was.

I hurriedly ended the marathonian call, something that was a lot easier said than done, as she denied My attempts to flee from her psychological clutch.

Let this be a lesson to you who are weak of will: there are those among us who feed from our vices.

Thus spoke, The DragnMastr. 

Salivary Malaise at the 2nd Circle of Hell Sizzler

In the second circle of Hell, there exists a godforsaken mall across the street from the ice cream parlor.

Wheezing inside the intestines of the desolation, only two establishments are still in business: JC Penny's, and the Sizzler in the food court.

If you find yourself at the Sizzler, beware of the young ardat lili that works the dinner shift, her treacheries have been witnessed first-hand by your DragnMastr from afar.

As you dine, she will linger behind your unknowing back and drool onto your muddy salad.

Her saliva consists of a diseased, larval-like substance–of the same DNA strain of maggot that grovel the floors of the damp and gloomy charnal house where she embalms the putrefying corpses of the dead with her sinful mouth.

Her oral secretions swaddle the decaying meat of genitalia with fungal ecstasy, preserving it for the posterity of the sexually damned.

You have been forewarned.

The Apologetics of Rage: The Case for Vengeance in a Civilized Society

I want you to listen, and listen carefully My disciples.

The best motivation for anything in life, is RAGE.

Forgive Me. I don't know what came over Me. How foolish of Me. Allow Me a moment to regain My fleeting composure.

The best motivation for anything in life, is love–a love for VENGEANCE.

Sweet, delectable vengeance. My divine ambrosia. My nonextinguishable fuel. My loyal companion.

When I start to feel the dejection trickle down My spine, and the easy temptation of forgiveness caresses the back of My neck, you spur Me on with the simple, yet unrelenting pierce of memory. No, I won't forget what she's done.

And I have a perverse delight in knowing that she's nearing 30, and her new lesbian lover is showing signs of wear and tear as well.

But I, HA. I will indulge in the tight, yet ripe freshness of a barely-legal remedy...whomever that may be–I don't know her yet, but I will.

And when I'm lapping up the stale innocence between her thighs, I'll think back at those two who've wronged Me, frolicking under the sheets in their sea of loose skin, and sagging pleasures. All while I snack on My teen dream, undisturbed–peace of mind, peace of taut ass inches from My FACE.

And that will be My sublime revenge. I will make SURE of it.

Thus spoke, The Impeccable One.

The Untold Story of the Feral Egg that Appeared Beside My Bed

I once found a feral egg beside My bed, so I brooded atop it out of an overwhelming sense of guilt. On a nightly basis, My Abuela would quietly enter My lair to supervise My nesting technique.

On a warm, yet foreboding evening, much like the one today, it hatched without complications, and We raised it with an attentive and tender disposition, before killing it on its third birthday for supper.

I think about it from time to time, and My initial guilt has since dispersed into a self-gratified nostalgia.

Beef Nuggets

"Did you enjoy your beef nuggets?"

...

"Good. I thought you would. But you shouldn't speak with your mouth full. Swallow your food first. You don't want to choke on half-chewed meat, do you?"

...

"It's always the half-chews that bruise our gullets. Now start getting ready for your bath. I'll start running the water for you."

...

"What? Don't speak to Me like that."

...

"I really don't care if you're not 'feeling' like it, I'm bathing you whether you like it or not missy! You've been walking around here all day with a soiled little cunt, and I need to wash away the day's sins before you go to bed."

...

"You have no choice in the matter. It has been decided for you."

...

"Got it?"

...

"Good."

...

"I'll meet you in the bathroom in 5 minutes."

...

"And don't forget the loofah this time. I'm going to need it to build up an appropriate lather...you're going to need it."

***

"There. All clean. Now, was that so hard Kitten? Give your DragnMastr a kiss and get ready for bed. I'll join you in a few minutes after I get the toys ready."

...

"And chew with your mouth closed this time, will you?"

...

White Knuckles

I approached her in the cloister, and asked her what she was doing.

"Holding onto Spring for dear life," she replied.

"I see. And what of the funeral processional that will ensue in its wake? Will you hold onto that as well?" I inquired.

She looked up at Me, then back down, easing her grip as the words found resonance, until finally she let go–relieving the tension in her knuckles, neck and shoulder muscles, and mind.

It was Springtime–life abloom–yet Death lay dormant in its peak.

 

The Ecstasy of the Rats

I'm sorry, but I refuse to see you again.

You've discarded My heart like a piece of excess ribeye fat.

You meticulously sliced Me out of your royal court, and left Me to get gobbled up by the alley rats in the dumpster.

I live with that reality day in, day out. And I'm reminded of My grim fate every afternoon, when I wake up and see your black choker collecting dust on My nightstand, forlorn and lost at the base of My 3-legged, porcelain egg.

But I'll get past this gloomy season. Afterall, the rats are My saints.